Happy Monday, once again. I LOVE Mondays because they’re my 52 Chances a year, in which I get to share Memories of My Mom, Gloria Pitzer, the Secret RecipesTM Recipe DetectiveTM.
It’s National Weddings Month, among other things, and Saturday is the start of… National Marriage Week, which is always February 7th-14th, ending on Valentine’s Day. NationalDayCalendar.com says, “…marriage is more than a day or a ceremony. A marriage requires dedication and commitment that generates a lifetime of rewards.”
Almost 50% of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce or separation. First marriages end about 40-50% of the time. It goes up to 60-70% for second marriages and up to 70-75% for third marriages. These higher rates are often attributed to complex step-family dynamics, financial strain from a previous marriage, and the easy willingness to leave another one.
It’s believed that the hardest years of marriage are the first three, as couples adjust to wedded life and the emergence of some real differences between them. Then there’s the “7-year itch”, when resentments form and pressures peak from obligations like children, careers, and finances. Dedication and commitment, as promised in their vows, tend to get lost.
Have you heard about the “7-7-7 Rule” for preserving marriage? It helps couples stay connected and reduces routine stress. It also prevents love from slipping through the cracks and falling behind daily responsibilities, by focusing on the couple’s quality time together.
This rule suggests having a date night every 7 days, a weekend getaway every 7 weeks, and a longer vacation every 7 months. By the way… don’t forget, as I mentioned in last week’s blog post, Saturday was National Plan for Vacation Day. It’s never too late to start planning.
There are so many reasons why some marriages make it, and some don’t. Some relationships are just “meant to be”, as Mom would frequently say. I think she and Dad were always “meant to be”. I also believe my husband and I are “meant to be”, as well.
Our friendship and capacity for forgiveness (plus his patience with me and my everlasting menopause) make a solid foundation for our relationship. The more we grow old together, the more I see so many parallels between us and my parents’ relationship.
In all of her newsletters and cookbooks, Mom wrote editorials, advice, and food-for-thought on the subject of marriage. She also created several satirical cartoon panels on the subject of love and marriage and compatibility. Communication, forgiveness, and compatibility are surely among the top traits required for successful marriages.
FROM MOM’S MEMORIES…
As seen in…
My Cup Runneth Over and I Can’t Find My Mop (Secret RecipesTM, St. Clair, MI; Dec. 1989, p. 11-12)
LOVE & MARRIAGE – ALL IT TAKES IS DETERMINATION
IF GOOD MARRIAGES ARE, indeed, made in heaven – where are all the bad ones made…? Of course, good marriages are made right here, on Earth, by ordinary mortals, like us; and it’s no help to think otherwise.
To take the fatalistic view that a good marriage is a foreordained blessing from On High is merely to evade responsibility for our own choices and behavior. It just decreases our chances of attaining the kind of loving and mutually rewarding relationship that most human beings long for and avidly seek.
To come even close to approximating such a union, one with another, it’s obvious that we have to scrap all the misleading old myths that stand in our way. I can think of no better way to do this than by repeating what may be a new one: “When it comes to love and marriage, the only infallible rule is that there are no rules at all!”
No matter what Marlo Thomas Donahue is saying about a marriage becoming anything you want it to be in today’s society… our husbands, who were raised [before the 1950s, believe] ‘women’s work’ is STILL women’s work!
Of course, now, I have a workable solution to all of this, which enables a gal to undo whatever nonsense was taught a man along the way about a ‘woman’s place’ in the marriage.
WHAT’S VALUABLE – THE FAMILY
THE FAMILY IS IMPORTANT to this troubled world that seems not to know what direction to go in for comfort and relief. So, I cater, in our publications, mostly to this family, with all of the old-fashioned values I can gather and still not sound corny or even ‘preachy’!
That for which I am most grateful, however, as I see how our family has worked together in helping us to build this dining room table enterprise into a substantial and professional operation, is the friendship that has grown over the years between [Paul, me and] the five children…my cup runneth over!
Marriage truly is a commitment in which two compatible people promise to be faithful to each other “…to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part”. Those are the standard, civil marriage vows.
After Dad retired from his job in 1976, to help Mom manage the business side of their family enterprise, they spent every day together for the rest of their lives. Throughout the years, their marriage was tested in more ways than one – but it withstood all the tests – and their relationship grew stronger from it.
When I asked them why their marriage lasted through all the years of turmoil, Mom and Dad each told me that the other was their best friend and, just as they promised each other on June 16, 1956, not until death would they ever part. Now, they’re together in heaven, for eternity.
MORE FROM MOM’S MEMORIES…
As seen in…
My Cup Runneth Over and I Can’t Find My Mop (Secret RecipesTM, St. Clair, MI; Dec. 1989, p. 62-64)
COMPATIBILITY & FORGIVENESS
THE MOST OFTEN ASKED question about Paul and I working together in this family enterprise is how we managed to remain so compatible after 24-hours-a-day, 7-days-a-week, since August 1976. The basis, I believe, for every successful relationship is always between two good forgivers.
Sure, we get in each other’s way once in a while. But we never stay mad for long. When we were in Ventura, California, in August 1989, we visited an old Spanish mission that was founded over 200 years ago. In the church edifice was a one-word sign on the wall near the rear of the room.
It so greatly impressed me that I thought about it for days. The word was “FORGIVE”. A powerful message. The essence of The Master’s own message during his earthly ministry nearly 2000 years ago. FORGIVE – who, why, what for?
In forgiving, we free ourselves from the imprisoning thoughts of resentment, of retaliation [and] anger. In forgiving, we let go of bitterness, contempt, even hatred. We are free then to love, to heal, to be healed altogether.
One word – FORGIVE – but 1000 messages. A dictionary says of this word, “to give up resentment against or the desire to punish; pardon (an offense or offender).” Forgive! It’s final, complete. There are no stipulations, no exceptions in the activity of forgiveness – no qualifications for anyone to meet.
Whatever the offense, we let go of the urge to see the offender punished when we forgive. It’s a cleansing action. It wipes clean the slate of past grievances. The more we remember past offenses, the less likely we are to exercise our freedom to pardon.
Sometimes, forgiving ourselves is even harder than forgiving someone else. Forgiving requires loving. And loving is spiritual activity. Spiritual activity is prayer. So, when we are praying, we are also forgiving and, likewise, being forgiven.
Our Heavenly Father forgives us so easily, so completely. He never withholds His forgiveness from His children, His beloved offspring, which include each one of us – you, me, everyone! So, in examining the meaning of the word forgive, I can erase the pain of past offenses.
I can put the word forgive into action – put it to work in my relationship with others. It’s remembering to do so that takes a little work and a lot of practice, but before you know what, it becomes a habit! The last thing every night and the first thing every morning, I whisper a “thank you” to God for Paul.
The last thing every night Paul’s arms around me as we go off to sleep, and I find his arms around me again when awakening in the morning and then, too, my first conscious thought is “Thank you, Father, for this good man’s love, for the beautiful partnership we have in our marriage, with our family, in our work… Thank you.”
It’s something I do automatically every night and every morning. Even the laws of physics and physiology can never reveal to us the indisputable way in which the Creator constantly participates in the life of each of us.
It points out to me over and over again that the launching pad for successful change around us is actually the change within us! To be in marvelous accord on a number of important issues in a conversation with someone you love, who loves you back, is grand.
But… lasting marriages just do not “happen”. They have to be shaped and molded out of the good that one or both who are concerned will see and act upon opportunities to inspire improvements. Most marriages begin with the expectation that they will last forever.
In marriages that do last, forever is not only a hope, but an ongoing philosophy. The partners simply do not think seriously about divorce as a viable option. This attitude that a marriage will last must last, tempers their approach to conflicts and imperfections. These people are committed to the marriage, as well as to each other.
They know that love needs time to take root and then expand; that in an enduring marriage, time is on your side. Time allows you the security of taking each other for granted, in the best sense of the term, without having constantly to impress or to prove yourself.
[As for Paul and me,] I don’t know how or when the transformation took place, but it did – gradually, beautifully. I am not sure, but perhaps the Divine hand of heaven moved the family to become more harmonious. We never really talked about specific changes in attitude or behavior…
Most folks don’t like to be “preached” to. To be “ministered” to is different, however. When we are ministered to, we are cared for, looked after and handled with quiet compassion – but never with pity. We can inspire someone to change but we dare not insist upon it!
When we see those we care about, somehow in conflict, and we know we can’t interfere; we can, instead, give out strong, moral support in silent prayer. Sometimes we focus so much on what is WRONG, that we failed to see how to correct it. We worry too much on WHO is right, rather than on WHAT is right!
In overcoming just the ordinary aggravations of being in business for ourselves, we also had to iron out the little conflicts over who would handle certain aspects of the work and how it would be handled. We were constantly having to compromise. That was the toughest step!
Paul’s mother surely would have been proud of us and what we had accomplished together, if she had been able to witness any of this. It is not easy to carry out the details of a demanding schedule and keep harmony at a priority, making every effort to keep the atmosphere healthy and still harmonious.
To me, this was of utmost importance. Sometimes being in complete agreement was impossible, but the error to be corrected was always in separating the act from the person.
That, alone, made forgiving so much easier and without that forgiving we could never have worked together all these years – seven days a week… 52 weeks a year. To be able to overlook the things that are not important has made the compatibility easier to experience, too.
Being picky about something, we have said to each other, could only lead to increased discontent and sometimes snowball right into a major confrontation of shouting and fist-clenching. Thank goodness, neither of us ever let it get to that stage, since we both wanted to have the best possible relationship. We work at it!
LAST THOUGHTS…
Thanks for visiting! I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about my memories of my mom, her memories, and other related things. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to email me at therecipedetective@outlook.com. You can also find me on Facebook: @TheRecipeDetective.
IN CLOSING…
In honor of TODAY, being National Heavenly Hash Day, here’s Mom’s secret recipe for “Heavenly Hash”; as seen in her self-published cookbook, Gloria Pitzer’s Secret Fast Food Recipes [aka: Book 6] (Secret RecipesTM, St. Clair, MI; March 1985, p. 97). As always, I’m asking only for proper credit if you care to re-share it.
P.S. Food-for-thought until next Monday…
The month of February celebrates… National Fasting February, Black History Month, National Canned Food Month, National Creative Romance Month, National Great American Pies Month, National Bake for Family Fun Month, National Bird Feeding Month, National Cherry Month, National Grapefruit Month, National Hot Breakfast Month, National Library Lover’s Month, and National Snack Food Month, among other things.
Starting yesterday, this is the first full week of February (for 2026), which is… National Burn Awareness Week.
Today is also… National Tater Tot Day and National Groundhog Day. Plus, as the first Monday and the start of the first full WORK WEEK of February (2nd-6th for 2026), it’s also the start of… Pride in Food Service Week.
Tomorrow is… National Carrot Cake Day.
Wednesday, February 4th, is… National Homemade Soup Day and National Thank a Mail Carrier Day.
February 5th is… World Nutella Day. Plus, as the first Thursday in February (for 2026), it’s also… National Optimist Day.
February 6th is… National Frozen Yogurt Day. Plus, as the first Friday in February (for 2026), it’s also… National Wear Red Day and Bubble Gum Day.
February 7th is… National Fettuccine Alfredo Day and National Send a Card to a Friend Day. Plus, as the first Saturday of February (for 2026), it’s also… National Ice Cream for Breakfast Day and National Play Outside Day (which is the first Saturday of EVERY month).
February 8th is… National Iowa Day. Plus, as the second Sunday in February (for 2026), it’s also… National Pork Rind Day and Super Bowl Sunday.
Additionally, as the start of the second week of February (for 2026), it’s also the start of… National Kraut and Frankfurter Week, Freelance Writers Appreciation Week, Great American Pizza Bake, and National Jell-O Week.
Have a great week!
…5 down, 47 to go.
